After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
