He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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