they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
