I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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