Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
