Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
