I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize