so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
