When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
