She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
