I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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