Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
