i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
