Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
