im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
