i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
