Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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