Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
