I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
