okay pat passed out under dana's car
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
