Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize