I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
