I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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