the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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