i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize