when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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