It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
