Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize