So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
