I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
