I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
