My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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