those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
