Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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