Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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