Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize