It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
