I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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