he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
