you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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