So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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