i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
