You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she looked like the before picture.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
