the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
