I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize