***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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