drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is classic penis vs brain.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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