she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
