I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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