Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
