I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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