"it" just moved
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
