I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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