omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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