I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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