I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
