I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
