I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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