please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wear drunk well.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
