Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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