i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
