i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
