FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
