I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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