toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
