She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
