after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
