I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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