i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
