I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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