if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
