So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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