well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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