if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
